This week on House: One sentence. And that one sentence is just that, one overused sentence. But can this one worn-out line really make a watchable episode or will it fail? Find out in this review of House M.D.’s “Moving the Chains.”
There’s this huge guy. He’s a football player. And he’s really huge. He’s 6 foot 7 inches tall and weighs close to seven-hundred tons. At least. Basically: He’s a really big guy. And when that big guy starts bashing his head in with his own helmet, you know something’s wrong other than him being stupid for playing the most stupid sport in the history of man. Have you ever looked at football? It’s the family-friendly version of gay sex. You have a lot of muscled, hot and sweaty men jumping on top of each other and then screaming without taking their clothes off. After they dismounted each other after a frenzy of furious humping while pretending to go for an egg-shaped ball, they repeat that, panting and sweating. But alas, it appears that there’s money to be made with it, so huge guy wants to get a scholarship or a pro contract or something I really can’t be bothered to know more about. Suffice to say, if he gets the deal, he’ll be able to care for his mom. You know, family is family.
In the other storyline, there’s Foreman’s brother coming out of jail. House hires him to mess around with Foreman. You know, family is family.
In the other other storyline, you have a GI who has a baby on the way and who doesn’t want to go back to doing a fourth tour in Iraq or some other desert the US is currently waging war in. All because he’s getting a kid. And that kid might grow up without a father. Because, you know, family is family.
Yeah, you might have guessed what that line I talked about in the intro is. But it’s not so bad, really. I only noticed this after watching the entire thing. Because while I was watching, I was actually fairly entertained by what I saw. Granted, I don’t see how skin cancer can lead you to bashing your head in with a helmet, but it’s House, so it probably does. Remember, whenever you see a big guy bashing his head in, it’s not insanity, it’s cancer.
But other than it being simply entertaining, it didn’t stand out in any way. It’s just another episode. Not abysmally bad, not too awesome. And in the end, all you can say is “Ah, so this is the end, huh.”
All in all, it can be summed up in one word: “Meh.”
